Practical Tips for Chastity
How do you practice the virtue of Chastity? Well what is the virtue of Chastity? Let me tell you a quick story. One day one of my friends was hanging out with some sorority girls in college and my friend said “Hey you know I I practice the virtue of chastity.” The girls started laughing and one sarcastically said, “That must be fun. That must suck.” And he said back, “No it is actually freeing. It just means I respect women.” The girls were frozen after he said this. They were caught off guard. They didn't know what to say.
What is Chastity? It's a virtue that orders and integrates our sexual appetites, our drives, our sexuality as a whole. It orders and integrates it to the truth of the human person and this ordering is the only way that we can be free in our sexuality. What's the meaning of our sexuality and the power that we feel in our body? John Paul II says it's the power to express love, love to where the person becomes a gift. That's the whole purpose of our sexuality and ultimately that gift of self is fully expressed and completed through the marriage bond. The power in our sexual drive is made for union with another person and procreation. It has the power to create new life. Chastity is not a “No I'm not going to think about that!” It's about ordering, and redeeming our sexuality to love rightly. That's chastity put simply. It's loving in and through our bodies. Unchastity is anti-love.
What's unchastity? It might be a thought, it might be a fantasy, it might be the way you look at someone, it might be a certain action you perform with someone that is not upholding and honoring the dignity of the human body as the expression of the person. The body is the person and unchastity looks at the body, it treats the body, it thinks about the body, as some “thing” for my own selfish gratification. It looks at the body not as a person but as parts. It depersonalizes, it disintegrates the person and it doesn't allow for true love, intimacy, and freedom. Chastity my mentor Christopher West says brilliantly in his new book Eating the Sunrise, is not a “closing of our eyes to earthly beauty, the human body, it's a widening of our eyes so that earthly beauty leads to Heavenly Beauty.”
How do we go from unchastity to chastity? How do we go from looking at the body as just parts that please my lust, to seeing the body as somebody that reveals an image of God? How do we go from looking to seeing? We could spend hours on this topic but practically I'm just going to share two quick thoughts. The Catechism of the Catholic Church as well as John Paul II says chastity is a gift of the Holy Spirit so we can't just achieve it on our own like willfully white knuckling it, “I'm going to do it! I'm going to do it!” We have to open to the Holy Spirit. We have to pray. That might mean you get down on your knees every morning, “Lord grant me the gift of chastity today.” It might mean you're driving on the side of the road and a fantasy pops in your mind where you are about to think about a person in a way that reduces them to parts for your own selfishness. Instead of just reacting, “I'm not going to think about that! I'm not going to do that!” open it up and observe it with God asking Him, “Lord what am I really looking for here? Am I trying to escape from something that I feel pain in my heart? Am I believing a lie such as, “I'm not desirable and I'm all alone.” This will look differently for everyone. Some people might be brutally addicted to lust and unchastity whereas they can't really control it as much whereas for other people it might be easier because they're not quote on quote addicted. That being said, living a chaste life begins by being aware of where lust might be coming from in our lives.
So, chastity is a gift of the Holy Spirit and a virtue. St Augustine says “pray as if everything depended on God but work as if everything depended on you.” We play a role for chastity and an easy practical tip is to ask yourself, “What are the things in your life that are making you NOT see and uphold the body as honorable that participates in God's image and likeness?” Maybe go and journal it out and get rid of it. Clean house! Honestly this is so helpful in order to practice the virtue of chastity. After you've “cleaned house” in your life, ask yourself “How can I consume things that will make me see sexuality and the body in a holy way?” Maybe listen to podcasts, TV shows, talk to certain friends that are not going to degrade the human body but are going to uphold it for the truth of what it is.
I know there's so much more advice on practicing this virtue of chastity but I wanted to try to keep it simple and I hope it was helpful. Remember this, chastity primarily has to do with the movements of the heart, and purity of intentions. Actions do matter, but chaste acts flow out of a chaste heart, so living a chaste life begins with the heart. Lastly, the Church actually says living a chaste life is a lifetime of great effort so be patient with yourself. If you fall get back up and ask God for mercy and forgiveness.