Is Waiting To Have Sex Until Marriage Repressive?
One day I was sitting down on the couch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. He asked me, “So Brendan are you sleeping around and having sex before marriage?” I replied, “No I am not.” He immediately responded, “Bro you are just repressing your biology!”
If a person is not having sex before marriage, are they just repressing their biology?
I then gave him an example to show that’s not the case. I said if I look at a woman with lust which is to stop skin deep with how I see her, zoning in solely on her sexual values, in a sense ripping the soul from her body by how I am looking at her, there will be a certain biological reaction that makes it feel like “I need to repress, or else I am going to explode” If we view our sexual drive through the lens of that picture, lust, we will assume people waiting until marriage or people not sleeping around is “repressing biology.” BUT de-personalizing the body, lust, and viewing others as a collection of body parts isn’t normal! The biological reaction that happens in our body from lust isn’t normal or even natural! There is another biological reaction that happens when we think about and see others through the gaze of love. For example, if I see a woman’s sexuality, her femininity, as integral to her unique soul, and I expand or widen my vision to see her body holistically, and personally, there will be a different biological reaction that doesn’t make me think “I need to repress or it’s impossible to wait until marriage!” but rather the biological reaction integrated in love will trigger your stomach to feel sick at the thought of sleeping around, using others, and treating them like a piece of meat. You will be compelled to honor, admire, protect, and be in awe-struck wonder by the extraordinary beauty of human sexuality. The desire to hookup will dissipate and you will be filled by an all consuming desire to give your body away exclusively to your beloved. Your biology integrated in love will have a great willingness to wait until marriage safeguarding the heart of your future spouse.
Look, I am not saying waiting until marriage is something easy, but as we purify our passions ordering them to God’s great plan, we will see waiting until marriage not as repression, burdensome or boring, but a heroic task and responsibility to love as God loves, which will bring about true sexual fulfillment.